I found out some interesting things about myself.
I hate changes, first off. They happen much too fast in my opinion. My best friend is getting married, another one is, and I can't talk to them on Facebook because I don't like it.
Second, I love my friends but I hate that I can't talk to them without going into a screen or video chat with them. I want to talk to them face to face, like people should. And I hate the fact my closest friends are hours away from me and I can't do anything about it that'll ruin my family financially.
And third: I have a strong moral compass when it comes to people with problems. When someone says they'll about to kill themselves I go into this traumatic state like it was my closest friend that died before my eyes. This feeling of powerlessness effects me the most because I want to be the person that saves a life whenever I can. But when it's something beyond my control and I can't do anything about it, I can only sit back, sulk about it and suffer for god knows how long. I really hate that last part because I care about life no matter who it belongs to! And if someone wishes to kill themselves then I will be left with a burden that could only be described as loosing the best friend I have never known about. And I feel tormented about being powerless to stop this...
This is the only time I wish I was a cold heartless person that everyone hates because I don't want to feel that pain. Ever! I hate it and hate myself because of it! I just....WISH! I could have some power to help people: give them a home, a chance of meeting with a friend they don't know yet, anything and everything!
Thank you all for taking the time to read this. Hopefully I'll bring myself to be on Facebook more often.
Have a good night.